Shiny and New: An Organic Experience
by Jayde and Sirena Lupin
Summary: When Severus Snape gets a bottle of Herbal Essences shampoo in the post, he thinks nothing of it... until after he tries it. After getting fooled by a free!Sirius, Snape is cursed with the Madonna Curse. Chaos ensues...
1. Like A Virgin

**Title:** Shiny and New: An Organic Experience (01/?)  
**Author name:** SpongeBob  
**Author email:** iloveseverus@yahoo.com  
**Category:** Humor  
**Keywords:** Snape Sirius Herbal Essences Madonna  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Spoilers:** SS/PS, PoA  
**Summary:** When Severus Snape gets a bottle of Herbal Essences shampoo in the post, he thinks nothing of it... until after he tries it. After getting fooled by a free!Sirius, Snape is cursed with the Madonna Curse. Chaos ensues...  
**DISCLAIMER:** This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. Lyrics and all related material are property of Madonna, also, no infringement intended  


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******Shiny and New: **

******_An Organic Experience_**

**Chapter One: Like A Virgin**

It started out a day like any other for Professor Severus Snape, except that he had gotten very little sleep. Try as he might, he couldn´t get his new idea out of his mind. He couldn´t wait... his appendages squirmed in anticipation. He was finally going to do it. He was going to try it.

Herbal Essences Shampoo.

The Bottle had come as a gift from an anonymous friend but, as several long, black, dog-like hairs had found their way into the envelope with the card, Severus hadn´t had to think very long about who it had been from.

He awoke early that morning and stripped himself of his clothes, just as he did every day. His body was slightly fatigued and, looking in the mirror, he saw a few signs of wear and tear, but he shrugged and continued with his morning ritualistic singing of "I´m... too sexy for my shirt... too sexy for my shirt... just too sexy..." and turned the water on.

He stepped into the shower and let the hot, steamy water run down his limbs... before he realized that he´d left The Bottle. He opened the curtain a bit and reached for The Bottle that was sitting on the counter. Just a little bit further... a little more... "BLOODY HELL!" he cursed, tumbling out of the shower.

He took a few deep breaths and re-entered his damp paradise, bottle in hand.

Severus started out timid and shy, using only a small bit of the goo and massaging it delicately into his scalp with the tips of his fingers. This had to be heaven... yes... ohhh yes... this was very nice indeed. "I rather like this..." he mused aloud, watching the foam run down his chest.

He would have to thank Sirius for this later.

Oh hell, NO! This wasn´t supposed to be happening. The Potions Master of Hogwarts was NOT supposed to feel things like this under ANY circumstance... the question was, did he CARE?

"Ohhh... God..." he moaned. A tingling sensation rushed over his entire body as he began to use more liberal amounts of the goo. "Yes... yesss.... YESSSS!!! Oh, YES! Mmmm...."

Severus was so engrossed in his bliss that he didn´t notice the voice of Professor McGonagall at the door to his chambers. "Severus? Are you alright?"

"YESSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!! BLOODY MOTHER OF MARY!!!! YES!"

McGonagall raised an eyebrow and turned on her heel. "If you say so, Severus." 

Severus picked up the bottle and looked at it lovingly as the last of the foam ran off of his body... when he saw the word `repeat.´

"Should I...?" he wondered aloud. Deciding that a small taste of bliss would do for today, he put the bottle back down and stepped out of the shower, feeling like a new man.

He wrapped himself in a particularly spiffy pink towel and sat down by the mirror. His eyes shone when he saw his reflection. He brushed a few rogue strands of hair out of his eyes when he felt a completely different texture. He ran his fingers through his beautiful mane several times before he could actually believe his hands. It was amazing. It was exhilarating. It was ECSTASY. It made him feel so.. so shiny and new! His mouth opened and music flowed out joyously in a high falsetto. "_So shiny and new! Like a vir-gin... ooooooh...touched for the very first time! Like a vir-ir-ir-ir-gin... when your heart beats next to mine!"_

"Erm... Severus?"

Severus stopped dead and turned slowly. "Sirius... how good to see you... I was... erm... just thinking of you."

Sirius´ eyes went wide. "Really, now?"

Severus looked down for a moment, over to the bottle, then quickly back at Sirius. "No."

"I´m, uh... relieved, Sevvie."

"SEVVIE????" Two identical voices shouted before bursting into fits of hysterical laughter.

Sirius looked to the man sitting before him in nothing but a spiffy pink towel. "Erm... I´ll get that." Sirius walked over to the door and in fell none other than the Weasley twins.

Severus jumped up in a fit of rage, momentarily forgetting his towel clad state. "YOU!!!"

Sirius turned a rather funny shade of purple in an attempt to keep from laughing. "Erm... Severus? Feel a draft in here?"

Severus´ eyes went wide and he grasped his towel, doing his best to keep his dignity. "WHAT are you two doing here?"

"PROBABLY the same thing as I am... wondering about your mental state, Severus!" McGonagall said, sharply. She paused, looking at Severus´ attire. "Oh my..."

Severus shot a dark look to everyone in the room. "IF I might remind you all, these are MY personal chambers to do as I please on MY personal time..."

This did NOT help the Weasleys´ laughing fits. "As you please WHOM, Professor?" George laughed, rolling on the floor by this point.

Severus growled in frustration and was about to retort in anger when he glanced at the mirror, filled with his newly sexified reflection and couldn´t stop himself. "_Like a vir-gin... OOOH... touched for the very first time..."_

The room went silent. Eight eyes rested solely on the singing professor, in his spiffy pink towel. The Weasleys and Professor McGonagall were unsure of whether they should laugh or run for cover. Sirius, however, sat with a bemused smirk.

Severus continued, beginning to dance through the room in his towel. He picked up the bottle and looked at it, his eyes shining with love. "I made it through the wilderness. Somehow I made it through. Didn't know how lost I was until I found you..."   
  
McGonagall shot Sirius, who had the mother of all shit-eating grins on his face, a look. "What the hell is this?"

"This," he replied, the shit-eating grin still plastered on his face, "is the Madonna curse. It´ll have him singing for days. I tried it on Remus before I sent the bottle," he explained, smirking at the still dancing Severus. "I _did_ put a bit of a modification on it. If it works alright, He´ll be singing `I Touch Myself´ for a whole day after the Madonna part wears off. But that might not happen..." Sirius continued to mumble to himself while looking at Severus, but Minerva paid no more attention to Sirius after a quick look in Severus´ direction.

Severus, obviously forgetting about his company, had thrown his spiffy towel across the room and continued dancing around, now singing even louder. "_Being touched, for the very first time... touched..._" Severus´ high falsetto sang out, shaking his hips, and, well, by default *something else* as well. 

The Weasley twins were cowering in the corner, their eyes closed tight and their faces green with disgust. Something told Minerva this had not been what they had been they had imagined when they decided to spy on Severus. No, definitely not.

Presently, Minerva gagged slightly in disgust at the sight of her colleague dancing around in his chambers in the nude, singing an old Madonna song from the Eighties. She turned, not wanting to be subject to Severus´ nudity longer then she had to be. Just a moment longer, and she would have to run to the bathroom. She could feel the bile rising. Oh, yes, time to go.

Minerva McGonagall ran from Severus´ room, her face green.

Severus remained blissfully unaware of his situation. He continued to dance, sans towel, singing various bits of `Like A Virgin.´

Suddenly, in the middle of the third chorus, he looked down. Then he looked up, noting the spiffy pink towel that had, moments ago, been around his waist, was now next to Sirius Black, whose face had turned an odd blue in a futile attempt to muffle his laughter. And the Weasley twins, who had somehow managed to break into the staff wing, sat huddled in the corner, their faces a sickly shade of green. As Severus took all this in, he wondered briefly what had happened to Minerva. In a moment, Severus´ brain had extracted itself from a state of shock and then, in a rush of comprehension, he screamed.

Then Severus Snape then did something he would deny for the rest of his existence: He fainted.

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	2. Dress You Up

**Title:** Shiny and New (02)  
**Author name:** SpongeBob  
**Author email:** iloveseverus@yahoo.com  
**Category:** Humor  
**Keywords:** Snape Herbal Essences Sirius Madonna  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Spoilers:** SS/PS, PoA  
**Summary:** When Severus Snape gets a bottle of Herbal Essences shampoo in the post, he thinks nothing of it... until after he tries it. After getting fooled by a free!Sirius, Snape is cursed with the Madonna Curse. Chaos ensues...  
**DISCLAIMER:** This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. Lyrics and all related material are property of Madonna, also, no infringement intended  
**Author notes:** Watch out, it's gonna make you... well, either sick or bust out laughing. One or the other.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_'Voices... I hear you... ugh. I'm getting up... I'm getting UP!' _"I'm up! I'm up, ok..." he mumbled, sitting up. Finding himself surrounded by the Weasley twins and Sirius Black and completely naked, he reddened slightly. 

"Severus? Are you feeling alright? Perhaps you should get... dressed?"

"Maybe if you'd all leav-" he began to snap, but stopped abruptly. "_Gonna__ DRESS you up in my love.... All over, all over..."_

The twins snickered, but were still slightly afraid, as the professor began shaking his still-nude hips again. Sirius had his head in his hands laughing as Severus began to sound more and more like Madonna herself. 

_"I've got style, that's what all the girls say..."_ he sang, pulling on his spiffy pink boxers, as it was, indeed, a particularly spiffy day. He ran his hands over his fabulous silk-covered pelvis. _"Feel the silky touch of my caresses. They will keep you looking so brand new..."_

"Professor, erm..." Fred patted Severus' back awkwardly. "It'll be oooooook..."

Sirius went to say something to Severus, but before the words could get out of his mouth, he shook his head and busted out laughing. 

Severus' eyes darkened (and not with passion, no indeed.) and he stomped over to Sirius. 

Instead of what he was intending to say, which was something along the lines of "die Black, die and burn in hell," he found himself once again overcome with the urge to sing. "_Satin sheets and luxuries so fine. All my suits are custom made in London_!" 

The Weasley twins blinked stupidly wondering absentmindedly if Professor Snape had ever worn a suit. Still snickering slightly, the twins left the room with more blackmail than they had hoped to find. The spiffy towel had been quite enough, and the nudity and song were just added extras.

They couldn't wait to tell the rest of the Gryffindors. If only they had had a camera. 

Back in Severus' room, Sirius was enjoying the show. Severus had picked up the spiffy towel and was swinging over his head. "_Gonna__ dress you up in my love. All over, all over..._" he moved towards Sirius and swung the towel around Sirius' neck. Sirius' eyes widened and he backed up, shaking his head. 

"No... NO! SEVERUS SNAPE, DO NOT TOUCH ME THERE!" 

Sirius ducked out from underneath the towel and went and cowered in the corner. Who though the curse made you act like Madonna? 

Severus shrugged and did something that would have looked a bit like the Harlem shake if he'd been at a Muggle club, but resembled something like a grand mal seizure to Sirius. 

He looked in the mirror, running his hands through his hair, shivering in bliss as a few strands hit his lips, and continued his dance. "_Let me cover you with velvet kisses. I'll create a look that's made for you."_

He nearly skipped over to Sirius, after pulling himself from the mirror, and dragged him up out of the corner. He wrapped a hand around the other man's neck and moved very, very close to him. 

Sirius cringed, horrified. He'd hoped never to get that close to "Sevvie junior," but as it was currently resting against his thigh, he struggled to get away from Severus' iron grip.

No luck. "_Gonna__ dress you up in my love... all over your body, all over your body. Gonna dress you up in my love..."_

Sirius did the only thing he could think of. Grasping his wand, he pointed it at his throat. "Sonorous," he muttered. His voice became amplified and still, he yelled as loud as he could. "DUMBLEDORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" 

"_From your head down to your to-oo-oes..."_


	3. Hanky Panky

**Title:** Shiny And New: An Organic Experience (03)  
**Author name:** SpongeBob  
**Author email:** iloveseverus@yahoo.com  
**Category:** Humor  
**Keywords:** Severus Snape Sirius Black Shampoo  
**Rating:** R  
**Spoilers:** SS/PS, CoS, PoA, GoF  
**Summary:** When Severus Snape gets a bottle of Herbal Essences shampoo in the post, he thinks nothing of it... until after he tries it. After getting fooled by a free!Sirius, Snape is cursed with the Madonna Curse. Chaos ensues...  
**DISCLAIMER:** This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.   
**Author notes:** Contains a few naughty words. It's rated for content and gross-out level. No kids, even though we are :)  


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**Chapter Three: Hanky Panky**   
  
Dumbledore (and just about everyone else in the castle) heard the cry for help. The old man rushed down to the dungeons and into the quarters of Severus Snape. Sirius saw him out of the corner of his eye and screamed desperately.Â "Come over here!"   
Dumbledore tried very hard to hide his amusement at seeing Severus use Sirius in a way much like Muggle pole dancers used poles. "May I ask...?"   
  
"After you get him off of me!" Sirius growled impatiently, ceasing to find the humor in Severus' little show.   
  
Dumbledore shook his head with a smirk. "Severus, I think it's time to let Mr. Black be..." Severus paid no attention and continued on in the fashion of a muggle stripper. Dumbledore sighed and mumbled a few charms. Severus immediately jumped back from Sirius, horrified in no small way, silently sitting down in shock. "Now might I ask what that was?"   
  
Sirius sighed, ashamed. "I, uh... I gave him a bottle of shampoo with the Madonna curse on it. There was a small modification to have him sing another song for a few days afterwards, but I never dreamed he'd ACT like Madonna..."   
  
"Oh dear..." Dumbledore sighed. "Sirius, this is difficult indeed. The ministry JUST had a meeting on whether or not this particular curse should be classified as an unforgivable. They haven't decided yet, but... oh my..."   
  
Severus looked up at the headmaster after clutching onto his ankles. "Help...me... I...need you to..." his voice immediately changed into singing. "_Treat me like I'm a bad boy, even when I'm being good to you..._"   
  
Sirius gasped out words of thanks and praise to the deity that Severus was not on him this time.   
  
Severus looked at him for a second, still hanging on the headmaster's legs. "_I don't want you to thank me, you can just spank me. Mmm..._"   
  
Sirius fought hard not to snicker too hard. "Wow, Severus... no offense, headmaster, but I never thought I'd see a day where Sevvie here got so desperate as to..."   
  
"_Some guys like to sweet talk, and others, they like to tease..._" he sang, sounding considerably more like Madonna than himself.   
  
"Sirius, might I examine this... shampoo? I should like to see exactly how powerful you've decided to make the curse," Dumbledore said, trying to shake Severus off of him.   
  
"Certainly, Professor, sir." Sirius continued to stifle his laughter as he went to the bathroom to get the bottle. He took out his wand and mumbled "Wingardium leviosa" to levitate it over to the older man, not wanting to touch it. Sirius noted the suds that remained on the bottle. "Professor, you might not want to..." Dumbledore grabbed the bottle out of the air. "...touch that. Oh no..."   
  
Albus' eyes immediately glazed over slightly, as though he was in some sort of trance._ 'Hmm... maybe Severus really DOES have the idea. After all... this IS quite nice...'_   
  
Severus continued singing, his spiffy pink boxers starting to seem a little too tight for Sirius' comfort, though Dumbledore didn't seem to mind much, as he was caught in a strange but apparently enjoyable reverie. "_Tie my hands behind my back and, ooh, I'm in ecstasy..._"Sirius' eyes widened in horror at the mental image. Unfortunately, both Albus and Severus appeared too busy to notice the way he was pointing his wand at his eyes as though to curse them out. "_...before I get too cranky, you better..._"   
  
"_Like hanky panky_!" Sirius jumped back in shock as the headmaster's voice went from a low, slightly raspy voice with a gentle accent to an effeminate falsetto.   
  
Severus sang back up. "_Hanky panky!_"   
  
"_Nothing like a good spanky!_"   
  
"_Good Spanky!_"

Sirius, eyes wide in horror, ran out of Severus' room and down the hall, past his own room to Minerva's room. He knocked loudly because he could still hear Severus and Albus singing. (Though he couldn't tell if it was all in his head or not)

Minerva, still green from her encounter with a nude, dancing, Severus Snape, opened the door. At the sight of Sirius, she glared and then...

BANG

The door slammed shut in Sirius' face. He stood, blinking at the door for a few moments before he turned and ran down the hall, screaming.

He ran past Flitwick's room, past Trelawney's room, and past Sprout's room. As he ran past Elaine Pince's room, she came to the door and told him to quiet down. Sirius stopped in his tracks, turned, stared at her for a few moments, then turned again and ran back down the hall, screaming again.

While all this with Sirius was going on, two students found themselves in the hall near the potion's master's room. Ron and Hermione had, earlier, been shocked and disgusted from a discovery including one certain cat, Crookshanks, and another by the name of Mrs. Norris.

Their intentions were good. They were heading for the Slytherin dorms where, for some bizarre reason, Harry had been spending most of his time. (Hermione had a hunch as to why, but she dare not tell Ron for fear that he would explode) She had spent the better part of the day trying to convince Ron that Malfoy did not have Harry under the Imperious Curse.

Unfortunately, to get to the Slytherin dorms, they had to pass Severus' rooms. As they walked by the open door, Severus launched himself at Ron, latched his arms around Ron's neck and sang: "_I don't like a big softie; I like someone mean and bossy_."

Ron tried, albeit unsuccessfully, to leap away from Severus. Because Severus' arms were so tight around Ron, all Ron did was cause himself to lose his balance and topple over onto the ground. Of course, Ron did not like this position at all. Not only was he sprawled out on the ground, but Severus was on top of him and **very** excited. "Hermione!" Ron squealed, "Help!"

Hermione was having her own issues, though, and could not help Ron. It seemed that Dumbledore had begun to feel the side effects of the curse as well and had begun to, well, help himself to a slice of Hermione Pie. "Please don't call the doctor," Dumbledore moaned out.

"'Cause there's nothing wrong with me," Severus sang, squirming against Ron.

Suddenly, the lunch bell rang. Slytherin students poured out of their common room, Harry and Malfoy at the head of the hoard of students.

At the sight of Severus, Albus, Ron, and Hermione, all the students stopped dead and fell silent. Harry exchanged a look with Malfoy and suddenly, as though their asses were on fire, they were off.

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	4. I Touch Myself

Chapter Four: I Touch Myself

A few days passed and not many things worth mentioning happened. Well, there **was** that incident where Snape walked out in front of 5th year Gryffindor/Slytherin potions in a clear poncho. And that staff meeting where Dumbledore proclaimed himself "Dita" and the dominatrix of the evening. And there was that thing with Harry and Draco... and Ron. Ron was there too. But that's a different story to be told on a different day. Anyway, on to the story!

Sirius had been paying dearly for his mistake, having to hear songs like 'Erotica' and 'Don't Cry for Me Argentina.' But the day he had been dreading the most came all too soon. The day that Severus Snape would utter those three fatal words... "I touch myself."

There was one consolation to be had. That day would be, after all, the final day of the curse. The shampoo would be free of its horrible magical properties...

And Sirius would be free of the constant and intense leg humping from both the headmaster and the potions master.

Snape awoke that fateful morning, a strange sort of twinkle in his eye. Dumbledore, of course, also had a twinkle in his eye. But not the same twinkle he always had, no, this twinkle was more insane, more manic, more diabolically perverse than any twinkle previously seen in Dumbledore's eye. (Well, there was that time with Dobby... never mind!) The first thing on his mind was to get up and put on a pair of spiffy pink boxers. He suddenly was, in the midst of putting on the said boxers, possessed with the urge to sing. "I love myself!" he sung out, attempting to skip around with his boxers around his ankles, "I want you to love me! When I'm feeling down, I want you above me!"

Sirius, who was staying just down the hall from Severus, was awoken by the sound a feminine shriek and a loud bang. Minerva, who thought the curse _must_ be over by now, ran to see what was wrong.

She opened the door and Severus, who had conveniently fallen right next to the door, pulled her down on top of him. "I search myself, I want you to find me," he sung, grinding into her. Her eyes widened in shock and her face turned green. She tried to jump up but Severus' grip was too strong.

"Severus!" she screamed, "Let me go!"

Sirius ran down the hall in his pyjamas and skidded to a halt in front of Severus' open door. He stood there in complete shock of the situation: there, in the middle of Severus Snape's bedroom was a nude Severus and a scantily clad Minerva. Horrified, Sirius ran the other way. "I forget myself, I want you to remind me," Severus called after him.

(A/N: Here lies our homage to the exceptional OoCness in our fic. We'll thank anyone who wants to 'remind' us of the characters to do so in a non flame like form.)

Minerva struggled madly. "Oh, HONESTLY, Severus... couldn't you find someone ELSE to torture???"

Just then, as everyone else had already investigated the room, Dumbledore felt the needed to join the party. "I don't want anybody else..." he sang out.

Severus grinned a proud grin. "When I think about you, I touch myself."

Minerva found some sort of unnatural strength within herself, at that moment, and pushed herself, with great force, away from Severus...

And right into Albus.

She let out an ungodly screech upon seeing the wrinkly (and very much naked...) man's triumphant expression.

"Oh, I don't want anybody else... oh no, oh no..."

"OHHH NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" She screamed, her terror filled shrieks echoing off of every wall in the dungeon.

Severus grinned cheekily and directed a very rude and sexually explicit (read: NC-17 worthy) gesture towards Minerva. "You're the one who makes me spunk, honey..."

Dumbledore twirled merrily. "You're the sun that makes me shine..."

"Shiny and NEW!" Sirius cried, an army of men behind him. He led them marching in, ready to attack...

...this, however, only encouraged the oh-so dreaded **_leg humping_**.

Severus looked at a few of the men in disdain. "When I'm with you, I'm always laughing..." he pranced over to Sirius and grinned, tracing his finger down the frightened man's jaw. "I wanna make you mine..."

Just then, a figure with long, shiny blonde hair emerged from the throng of men brought in, now either too weak to bear the sight, or too violated to continue. "I'll save you, Sirius!" cried Lucius Malfoy, assuming the universal super hero pose.

Dumbledore spotted Lucius and developed a dazed grin. "I close my eyes and see you before me..."

"Think I would die if you were to ignore me..." Severus purred, licking Lucius' neck while still straddled over Sirius' left leg.

To the surprise of everyone in the room who had been violated by the Professor previously, the countenance of Lucius went not to one of horror, from his "super hero face", but, rather, to a large grin.

Severus grinned and widened his stance so that, in addition to occupying Sirius' left leg, he got a good bit of Lucius' right leg as well. "A fool could see just how much I adore you..."

Lucius grinned and tangled his hands in Severus' hair.

"I get down on my knees," Severus sang, sliding down Lucius' body and finding a place on his knees, in front of Lucius, on the floor, "I'd do anything for you..."

"Ohhh... bring it on, Sevvie..." Lucius groaned

Just then, a sort of silvery light encompassed the room. A few seconds passed as everyone looked on in awe and then...

It was gone.

Silence filled the room and Severus blinked a few times, looking around. Dumbledore was slightly less disoriented, having gotten quite used to waking up naked in strange rooms over the years. "What. The. Fuck. Is. Going. On. Here?"

Lucius' face fell. He had wanted Snape badly, too. Oh, how he pined for Snape to... well, there's a time and place for that story, and this is not it.

"It's a bit of a long story-" Sirius said, trying hard to get away from Severus without him actually noticing. It didn't work. Severus grabbed onto Sirius' collar (which was quite a feat, actually, because Severus was on his knees...) and pulled Sirius down to his height.

"I've got all the time in the world," Severus growled.

After a quick recap of the weeks events, starting with the idea and ending with, well, Sirius telling a story, Severus was ready to kill the poor ex-convict.

It had taken three straight jackets and five pairs of foot shackles to keep him from Sirius. "What I would like to know, Sirius," Albus asked, pulling lightly on Severus' chains, "Is how the curse was broken."

Minerva made an indignant noise. "Isn't it obvious, Albus?" she asked, "Someone enjoyed it."

All eyes turned to Lucius. "What?" he asked irritated. "I just want some man j-"

"That's quite enough out of you, that is!" Severus exclaimed, lunging for Lucius. Luckily for Lucius, Albus was still holding tight to Severus' chains and he managed to hurt no one but himself.

"All right," Albus said jovially, "But why, then, Sirius, didn't Remus go through this horrid cycle of events when you were testing the shampoo on _him_?"

Sirius stammered. "Well... er... I.... Don't know?"

"Bloody hell!" Severus exclaimed, falling onto his back, "Black's a bloody pouf!"

And then, at what was possibly the worst time for him to decide to visit, Remus Lupin walked into the room. "You make me feel all shiny and new..." he sung under his breath. "Hello, all," he said, smiling at the occupants of the room.

fin.

Post-Fic Advertisement:

If you enjoyed "Shiny and New", look for the Companion Fics, "I Am the Lizard King" and "Why JKR Hired Us -or- how PoA became PoRN"... plus what could be much, much more spiffiness from the sick and twisted minds of J&B at 5AM. Who knows?

~Jayde and Bre.


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